Finding Spiritual Enlightement in Northern California

Jerry Levy has been a Reform rabbi since 1971. He had congregations in San Jose, Los Gatos, Gilroy, Morgan Hill and Ojai (Ventura County). When he moved to Marin County in 2005, he decided to go freelance and serve the unaffiliated and secular-leaning Jewish community.

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/11/16/DD631AFTU2.DTL#ixzz0XANOhnGn
Levy, 67, lives in Tiburon. He grew up near Chicago, was married "several times," and has a daughter, 36, a son, 32, and three grandchildren. He writes a monthly e-magazine, Shalom Maker, at Rabbijerry.com.

I was a full-time rabbi for a number of years. And then I looked around and I said, "There's more to religion than what the synagogue or the temple represent." It's very difficult to be both political and spiritual. Sometimes they conflict.

I tell everybody I have the largest congregation in the Bay Area, about 350,000 people. There are 450,000 Jews here, and only 100,000 of those are affiliated. I do funerals, weddings, bar and bat mitzvahs.

I've done 300 funerals in the last five years. I am called either by a family or by a mortuary. The mortuaries call me in difficult cases because they know I will work through problems: when the family is fighting due to conflicts of some sort.

I interview one or more of the survivors, usually over the phone. I start with history because I like a context in which to build a story. When I talk to people about their loved one, it's easier for them to talk about the history than it is to answer some of the questions that I ask later on.

I'll ask, "How was this person as a father?" "As a husband or a wife?" "As a brother or a son?" "When you think of them, as a human being, what comes to mind?" And "What were their best traits?"

Then I go to the computer and I write a page to a page and a half. It's not an obit. I don't even call it a eulogy, but a talk - a statement about the person. I write it in a poetic style and provide a rabbinic perspective.

I'm helping the family understand that this life was meaningful, valuable, filled with qualities that were exemplary. If I find those things, and I usually do, that's where I want to focus everybody's attention.

Sometimes, I'll give a talk and somebody will come up and say, "You made her sound saintly. Everybody hated her."

Some people are characters or did interesting things in their life. Or they've had profound hopes and dreams or incredible experiences. I'll frame a life in such a way that it honors the person.

I did one funeral service where nobody showed up. No survivors, nobody. There was no eulogy. I just said the traditional Hebrew prayers - the El Malei Rachamim and the Kaddish - and I expressed my thoughts about the sadness of this situation.

I did another service for Sinai Memorial in Colma where one person showed up. A man died and a woman came to mourn - I don't think she was Jewish - who had known him as a mentor and friend.

It was just the two of us. The funeral directors were standing off to the side. I stood up and I recited several meditations. And then I sat down next to her and I said, "Please tell me who this person was."

She told me an incredible story. I asked her certain questions, the same questions I would have asked if I was interviewing her to write a eulogy. And when she finished talking, I looked at her and I said, "Thank you for a beautiful eulogy." And she said, "Oh, I guess that's what I just did."

Do you or someone you know have a work story to share? E-mail us at datebookletters@sfchronicle.com.

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/11/16/DD631AFTU2.DTL#ixzz0XANSO7J8